charmaine's final reflection.

It has never dawn upon me that one day, all the "crazy" meetings will come to an end, no more weekly Saturday meetings, no more of Ms Koh's chasing for documents, no more of fund raising events, no more brainstorming and no more anticipation. Yet, it happen.

To me, this trip was indeed inspiring and at the same time, emotionally trying. As I looked back on how I survived on this trip, I cry. But i cry not because I find joy in overcoming all the tough physical challenges, I cry because I release, I managed to survived through all those emotional toils in a faraway land, no one to confide in.

Do those living conditions caused me to feel grateful of my living in Singapore? Not yet. Indeed, unlike others, the impact of the conditions did not shock me. Instead, it was the children that made a change in me.

Why can't it be like that?
Why can't I do something about it?
Why?

Throughout the trip, one thing stayed on my mind, the children. I have learned that some things cannot be changed, it is just the way it is. As I taught the many classes from the many schools, there is definitely one GREAT PROBLEM I see in them, that is, individualism. There is no sense of teamwork. Much as team bonding help them to work together, there is still this tinge of instinct which tells me that, they are together, because of themselves, they still care only about their survival. How I wished this could change.

But it would not, It is their society. The society forced them to be independent, to fight for oneself, much as it is good, it is bad too. Take the analogy that was talked during our trip, even if we build a much cleaner and better toilet, they would be dirtied by the children in "wan lu qing" primary school, because, cleanliness is not emphasized.

Yes, and one thing I'm glad this trip has brought me, would be that I am further assured that children are my directions in life. Teaching, it brought me joy, frustration and tiredness, YET, I will never fail to look forward to stepping into the classroom, staring at those faces.

Dear children, You reached inside me, I hope I had reached into yours.
You are forever, my promise.

I love physically challenging and adventurous things, so all those trekking and climbing brought fulfillment to my life.

The main gist of how the trip has affected me would actually be the team, the people. And myself, I kept evaluating myself, so much, I detest my actions.

I discovered that:
Friends stop to help when they pass by you
but strangers don't.
Good friends make a detour just to help you
but friends don't.

I am thankful for the relationships I have forged in this team but some things will never change.

- Charmaine is attached to the team, yet at the same time distanced. -

L.J was an interesting event to see how things will eventually be in future. I got to understand people's life better yet at the same time, realized that things will never change, things are fixed, and I am flying.

My 'final' entry is one filled of random thoughts about this trip, thoughts that are not model-answers, thoughts that are not about the same old things, they are just thoughts that occupied my mind 3/4 of the time in yunnan.



to end off,
Will this reflection entry be my final?
my guess is as good as yours.